You? Who the hell are you?

Well, it's been more than a year now... wow, that must be some kind of new world record in lazyness and negligence.
Oh, yeah, I'll get an award for that? Oh my god, that's all so surprising, I...I don't know what to say. Uuuummm.... I want to thank everyone who supported me on my way to this success, specially my incredible ability to postpone important matters to the point of no return, all the people who successfully distracted me from anything and of course a big thanks goes to real life. I wouldn't have made it this far without you guys! Thanks!
*tear*

Well, being absent for so long needs a reason of course, but you'll see that not many of these reasons hardly make any sense, granted if they are of any relevance to the matter in question at all. Not that you'd care in the first place, of course.

Firstly, I was trying to figure out how to fly. Not a big deal you think? Well, it sure is, because I said to myself, 'Tim, you're not going to use an airplane or a chopper or even a parachute (also known as "sissy-towel") for this. You're not a coward. Real men don't need any auxiliaries to do some badass flying.' With this approach to flying in mind, the first place you'll find advice on how to do it, is check up in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. Unfortunately, Douglas Adams had obviously no idea how hard it really is to get everything to work how he figured it. I decided to ask him what the f*** he had been smoking when he was writing that.
And since Mr. Douglas seems to have perished, I had to spend some time being dead in order to interview him. (Luckily he also had some advice on how this works, but I won't tell you, I can only tell you that you need 23 Guatemalan spin-win snails, a rifle with 3 barrels and a homosexual, castrated voodoo priest)
As things were getting much more complicated and some serious multidimensional lawsuits had to be held, I decided to get back to life again. To my surprise more than a year had gone by (you really lose your sense for time when you're dead, the only reference you have are the number of maggots having a party in your rectum)

Well, that's pretty much it. As soon as I woke up I came here to post..... ahh, ok, I went to the toilet first.

I hope I don't get haunted by some people I pissed off while being dead. Dead people can be pretty resentfully, because they don't have a lot of things to do other than getting eaten by worms, which is not very entertaining in the long run.

If they leave me alone, I'll post again soon.
Cheers
Tim

PS: I'm wondering if I now qualify as a zombie... I'll go check this up at the local office of the zombie association. I sure hope they had enough brain for lunch.

Where me been has? (What?)

It's been long time since the last post. (Well, ok, not that long, but still longer than usual)
There was a darn good reason why I didn't post anything in this time, but I forgot about it because I ran into a strut, which was surprisingly close to the ground.
Of course it was not the strut's fault, it was just doing its job as it had been doing it for 178 years. After such a long time you tend to become rather are good at your job. The strut did indeed an awfully good job, since the house it is a part of has stood there for 176 years (originally, the house was built a little more uphill, but it obviousely didn't like the view there and caught the next best landslide 2 years after).

I felt fluffy and knotty after the crash.
I can't really describe what feeling fluffy feels like, but it somehow fits perfectly. The knotty feeling wasn't caused by knotted and twisted parts of my body, it was more my state of mind that was knotty.
It took me a awful lot of time to end one specific thought, because other thoughts thought they needed some quality time with my consciousness and jumped out and started yelling and shouting at it. In order to get some order my consciousness redirected the most hideously looking thoughts to my subconsciousness. At least that's what it tried to do, because my subconsciousness was out for lunch, together with my libido.


So long
Tim

PS: Another reason I hadn't written anything may be the exam session coming closer terribly fast. If it's coming any faster than now it will travel back in time...

Hi there

I'm trying to get some things straight here. For the time being you'll just have to wait and entertain yourselves with something else, like saving an endangered species or cleaning the bathroom. Whatever pleases you.

Cheers
Tim